I once let someone borrow money.
I handed it over with a smile and pride.
It’s nothing, no worries.
I love to help.
I am a good person.
Somewhere inside of my good person
I noted the exchange, and thought myself
Bigger.
I thought the other person might feel that way too.
Spirit watched me and giggled.
I bought a person presents, and I cooked them dinners.
I listened to every story and worry.
I did errands for them.
Somewhere inside I kept a list of what I did for them.
The list grew and I began to see them differently,
Because I was waiting for my return, and praise and thanks.
I began to see them as selfish.
Bitterness growled in my belly
And I began to bark
We drifted apart as my upset grew bigger.
Didn’t they realize all I had done?
What a generous person I was?
Spirit watched me and giggled some more.
I decided I would join a cause.
I would announce my cause to the world.
I would let everyone know
What good I was doing
And what bad others were doing
Somehow anger became my fuel
And love got lost
And I became sad
Spirit watched me and sighed, spooning me in my sleep
I was lost
So I became quiet
And gave time to me
“I am exhausted!”
I started to wonder what it was like
To be me, without trying so hard
I wondered why I would not let people
Give to me too, just give.
And I began
To recall
What was true giving
Giving is a seeing.
Spirit watched me and cried quiet love so as not to disturb my illumination
So I practiced
On how to give
And to give, without
Need
Without cause
Without desire
But to give simply
Because I feel
I appreciate
And understand
That I love
I learned that
Someone truly giving to
Me is a powerful healer
I am learning, to let them
In. Without worry of what
I give in return.
Because when they simply
Give. They are telling me
They understand me
And love me.
